No matter which religion you profess (if you are religious at all), it is always hard to resist the temptation of delicious food and good company. But now, when it’s all over, you need to take a break from kitchen duties and spend some quality time on the couch. However, office with all its’ competitive environment is back. And I’m not talking about proving your boss how talented you are and why you need to be promoted – to be honest, you boss doesn’t give a heck about your talents (but don’t reveal this sad truth to your kids, they need some fairy-tale to believe in). I mean those smart guys with their delicious Christmas cookies and treats. And I don’t know about you, but I have never tried a better cookie than from German kitchen, especially around holiday season. Of course, something has to be done to restore your reputation of the best cook on the block. If you think that you can win the battle by simply baking some nice cookies, you’re wrong! When it comes down to Christmas cookies, Germans get deeply obsessed. And the only strategy to help you win over insane is to become tricky – so, we’re not playing the game by their rules. Let’s get creative and kick some ass!
Cheese crackers
You will need:
250 gram Swiss cheese
3 tablespoons Butter
1 glass Flour
¾ teaspoons Salt
4 tablespoons Water
Aluminum tin
Sharp scissors
Before you start, choose shapes for your crackers. I’ll use Pac-Man as a starting point– to give myself up to nostalgia, and to trick some kids and their friends into tasting crackers.
Method:
1. Unless you have some cookie cutters available (which I highly doubt in case of Pac-Man scenario), conjure them out of aluminum tins with the help of scissors.
Tip: this is a great chance to make your husband/boyfriend/son/other enter the kitchen and help you. That’s actually a “win-win” situation, since he realizes, once again, how much do you need him (decent lady always keeps her man happy), and you get the job done.
Of course, consequences might be unpredictable – in my case my loved one disappeared into the garage for 6 hours and used probably every single tool he found (“The edge is not sharp enough”, “This strip is a little too long”, “Only automated process gives best results! Do not argue with me, woman!”, “Shoot, how come my finger’s bleeding?”).
Of course, consequences might be unpredictable – in my case my loved one disappeared into the garage for 6 hours and used probably every single tool he found (“The edge is not sharp enough”, “This strip is a little too long”, “Only automated process gives best results! Do not argue with me, woman!”, “Shoot, how come my finger’s bleeding?”).
2. Cut butter into medium-sized cubes; leave it aside to reach room temperature.
3. Grate cheese.
4. Combine together cheese, flour, butter and salt with the help of electric mixer.
5. Add water to the mixture and let mixer work a little more.
6. Make a firm ball out of the dough, cover it with plastic wrap, put into the fridge and let stand there for 20
minutes.
7. Sprinkle working surface with the flour and roll the dough thinly.
7a (optional). In case you followed the tip, and your dear one helped you, call him into the kitchen to show that their creations come really handy.
8. Cut cookies out of the dough.
8a. Use leftover dough – roll it again, cut out crackers.
8b. Start the cycle once again – roll leftover dough once again and cut out crackers.
8c. If there is still leftover dough, and you are already bored, simply cut out nice little squares.
8d. Do not give up until you use every single crumb you have – strangely-shaped crackers taste just the same.
9. Cover baking sheet with the parchment paper and transfer crackers into it.
10. Preheat the oven to 360 F. Put baking sheet into the oven, bake crackers for 25 minutes.
Tip: depending on specifications of your oven baking time may vary – it’s always better to try it out by yourself than to trust a stranger like me.
11. Take crackers out of oven, transfer into the bowl and cool them down.
12. Cheese crackers are ready to be served. Bon appétit!
Tip: it might be a good idea to try fish-shaped crackers if your kid is not having anything else than Goldfish for snack.
And finally, along with creativity and intuition use your sense of self-preservation and be careful when choosing characters. Who knows, maybe to some of your insecure coworkers Pac-Man will give away the plot you’re making to “eat them up”.
Sincerely yours,
Mrs Lovett
Mrs Lovett
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