Anyone got engaged today? Anyone earned some extra cash – by means of proposing, getting refused and complaining to authorities about your delinquent dear one? You’d probably have to do a little travelling to the heart of British Commonwealth for this purpose, but still that money might be worth a shot. I mean, if in 1288 compensation for not abiding the tradition ranged from £1 to a silk gown, the amount of fine nowadays (accounting the inflation rate and compounding) must be pretty hilarious.
But you know what? I’m gonna tell you a story of 4 friends of mine. One was the pessimist, he always saw a long dark tunnel in front of him. The other guy was an awful optimist, he saw a bright light in the end of that gloomy tunnel. It was good that the third friend was realist, he always pointed out that it was a train approaching. And only the fours friend of ours, the locomotive driver, saw three stupid blocks on a railroad. Brings some thoughts around, right? What I’m trying to tell – Don’t Be Stupid! (pardon my French here). If you’re looking for a sure way to win over his heart, get pragmatic – Feed Him! (even if he does not appreciate your culinary skills, you’ve always got room to stir in some love potion – in any case your situation looks good). And I’ve got a recipe stored for you for an occasion just like that. Give him meat and bear – and he’ll be happy. No, I don’t mean you specifically, your man is totally different and subtle, not like those other ruthless apes, but it’s still worth to remind him of his hidden nature – at least he’ll appreciate your care.
So, what can be a better dish to serve on a day like this? As some of you might know, tomorrow is somewhat more remarkable day than a merry first day of spring. No doubt, foundation of Rio de Janeiro, discovery of radioactivity, Ohio, Texas and Nebraska joining States, formation of Australian Army, completion of Hoover Dam, start of IMF operations, incorporation of Yahoo!, Nostradamus publishing his first book of predictions, beginning of a witch hunt in Salem, MA and Steve Jobs presenting iPad 2 are events worth to be noticed and celebrated. But there is other occasion that changed cultural and culinary environment of our society – in 1979 Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street was fist staged at the Ulrich Theatre on Broadway with Angela Lunsbury marvelously acting as a lovely Mrs Lovett (as the official description goes – “cheery and chatty but wholly amoral”, but I strongly disagree with such characteristics). Therefore, there is nothing else to be cooked for the occasion than a meat pie – dry, boring, tasteless pie which somehow happens to be extremely healthy: no matter what, you may be sure to never overeat with the food like that. Maybe, this is the key to Britain tyrannizing India – India was always famous for its delicious food.
You will need:
For dough:
2 glasses Flour
5 oz Butter
¼ cup Plain yoghurt
For filling:
1 lb Beef
2 large Onions
4 oz Cheese (any old cheese you find in your fridge)
1 Egg
1 Bay leaf
Salt
Ground black pepper
Butter for frying
Method:
1. Start by making ground beef. Cut it into cubes first, then process with any food processor you like using.
Note: I like using hand-powered meat grinder I inherited from my grandma – it gives me some special feeling of authenticity, and what is more important when making meat pies – creates sanguinary atmosphere. Bu t you should use whatever works for you. In case you don’t want to go through all the hideous process, just buy ground beef and skip this step.
2. For the dough first melt butter over minimum heat.
3. In a bowl combine flour, melted butter, yoghurt and a pinch of salt.
4. Knead dough for around 8 minutes until soft and stiff.
5. Cover dough into plastic wrap and put into fridge for 30 minutes.
6. Meanwhile peel onions and chop them into small pieces.
7. In a big pan melt a little butter and fry onions on a medium heat for 5 minutes until soft and slightly translucent.
8. Add meat to onions, turn heat to high. Fry occasionally stirring.
9. When meat loses its’ pinkish-radish color, add salt, pepper and bay leaf. Fry for 5 more minutes.
Tip: for a bay leaf to give richer flavor, make couple of tears edge to center before adding.
10. Add some red dry wine to meat. Fry occasionally stirring until meat is cooked.
Note: you might have noticed that wine was not initially on a list of ingredients. But the smell of ground beef was amazing, and I could not resist the temptation to pour in some wine. If you don’t feel like adding alcohol, simply skip this step.
11. When meat is ready, remove bay leaf.
12. Take dough out of the fridge. Sprinkle working surface with flour.
13. Cut dough into 4 even pieces.
14. Roll 2 pieces into flat circles.
15. Place two circles on a baking sheet.
Tip: depending on the type of sheets you’re using, you might need to grease them slightly first.
16. Roll two other pieces of dough into circles the same size as those already on the baking sheet. Leave them on a working surface for now.
17. Grate cheese.
18. Mix ground beef and grated cheese well.
19. Distribute evenly beef filling on top of each dough circle on the baking sheet.
20. Cover each pie-to-be with remaining dough circles.
21. Pinch edges of each cake to seal.
22. Press fork into the dough along edges to both seal and decorate them.
23. Separate egg yolk from egg white.
24. Brush each pie with the egg yolk.
25. With the help of fork make some holes in the upper crust for cake to bake better.
26. Preheat oven to 390 F. Place cakes into oven. Bake for 30 minutes until crust is cooked.
27. Meat Pies are ready to be served. Bon appétit!
Tip: for an ingenious experience serve with the cup of tea with milk. Or beer.
These are probably the worst pies in London! In case your pies turned out to be not dry, not boring and not tasteless, know – you’ve messed up somewhere.
Finally, here is a little piece of art for you to enjoy, to brighten the day and to inspire for cooking.
More hot pies, anyone?
Sincerely yours,
Mrs Lovett
Mrs Lovett
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