iPie

I got iPod, iPhone and iPad. Now I can die happy.
Anonymous blogger

Believe it or not, I got myself an iPad today. Yaaay! Now it’s time to brag around about how nice it looks, and how different it is, and how I became so special with it, and what amazing tricks it may do, and to finally conclude “How did I leave without it for all of my life?”. Don’t worry, that all’s coming, but first I got to tell a little prehistory to explain such a radical shift in my opinion.

As funny as it seems, turns out that my blog is most often found by the search words “iphone vs stone”. Not quite the success I intended. Rather a personal disaster and incorrigible failure, to be honest. But thank g*d I’ve got a family that always supports me in all the beginnings (just like of us, food bloggers, have, right?). So it was my dad today who tried to bs enlightened me with “think positive” theory right before I was told to shut the f… front door and leave the house. And then I got it – if readers desire iPhones/iPads/iMiracles, just give it to them. Yes, sometimes it takes a kick in the butt to understand marketing basics.

Thus being said, please give a round of applause to

iPie

You will need:

For pie:

10 oz                   Dark chocolate

4 oz                     Butter

3                          Eggs

½ cup                   Flour

½ cup                   Sugar

½ cup                   Light cream

                            Alcohol (Cognac, Rum, Brandy, etc)

                            Breadcrumbs

For decoration:

                            Powdered sugar

                            Banana

                            Apple

                            Tangerine

                            Cocoa powder

                            Candies & Cookies

                            Coconut flakes

                            Cloves

Other tools and equipment:

                            Paper

                            Tape measure

                            Scissors

Method:

1. Break chocolate into medium pieces, cut butter into medium cubes. Set one cube of butter aside to be used later (in step 8).

2. Mix ¾ of chocolate with butter in a sauce pan. Rest of the chocolate save for later (step 14).

3. Melt chocolate with butter on a water bath constantly stirring.

4. Add alcohol to chocolate mixture, mix until homogeneous. Remove from heat and let it cool down a little.

5. Meanwhile combine eggs and sugar in a bowl

6. Whip eggs with sugar until fluffy and almost white.

7. Combine eggs with chocolate mixture, stir gently until homogenous.

8. Add flour and knead until you get liquid dough.

9. Grease baking pan with butter generously.

Tip: yes, get those hands greasy, you don’t want the pie to burn or to stick to the pan. As for me nothing works as well as own fingers.

10. Sprinkle buttered baking pan with breadcrumbs generously.

Tip: don’t be afraid to overdo breadcrumbs. If you give to little or no breadcrumbs at all the surface of your pie might cover with funny bubbles and bumps, which typically does not look good.

11. Pour dough into baking pan.

12. Preheat oven to 350 F. Put cake into the oven, bake for 30-40 mins.

Tip: to check if the cake is ready stick a match into it. If the dough does not stick to the match, cake is done. I love English for all the puns you can make.

13. Remove cake from the oven.

14. Spread waxed paper on a working surface.

15. Transfer cake from baking pan onto waxed paper.

16. Measure precise dimensions of your iPie.

Tip: if you’re doing iPad, 9.5 X 7.31 will do.

17. Cut out all excessive parts.

18. Pour cream into medium saucepan. Heat it up, but do not let boil.

19. When cream is warm enough, add chocolate.

20. Over small heat melt chocolate constantly stirring until all chocolate dissolves and icing gets homogeneous.

21. Evenly coat the cake with chocolate icing. Let it cool down and set.

22. Meanwhile cut out the screen stencil out of paper and make other icons from your favorite materials.

23. When chocolate icing is cool enough, move the cake into clean even surface. Remove all extra chocolate icing from the sides.

24. Using screen cut-out cover pie with powdered sugar to create screen background.

25. Carefully place apps icons on the screen.

26. iPie is ready to be served. Bon appétit!

Some of you might reasonably suggest that this is not quite the miracle Apple Inc produces, but I would answer that, with all due respect, I cannot agree. And here is to prove my point. It does look nice, what’s even better – it looks different from typical pie (just like iPhone does compared to most of phones, right?); it makes me feel special – this one is so exclusive that even the King of Saudi Arabia does not own one (I mean, having something so precious that the person who gave $300K to build schools in New Orleans does not have?); it looks so totally different from everyone else’s – not only my beauty got personalized wall-paper, even all icons are custom-designed; and tricks – are you kidding me, this will make the party you organize for close friends this weekend. Seriously, how could I spend all my life without having tried this baby? And last but not least – my chocolate cake got nothing special inside apart from looks and if I’m lucky

– talented promotion, just like all iThings do.

Finally, couple of words to lure foodies. Tender, with most texture, chocolate iced cake. You will not regret a single bite.

Sincerely yours,
Mrs Lovett

P.S. If there are some other miraculous technological devices you’d like to reengineer into something appealing and delicious, please let me know. It will be a pleasure to try my hand at them =)