Watch Out for Scam Ads – Crab Stick Salad

If you’re entertaining an idea to click on an ad on my sidebar, I have a huge favor to ask you – please do not! Do net ever even think about such a stupid thing. No, I’m serious, as I was told couple of weeks ago (well, I’d rather say – as I was officially informed by Google AdSense anti-fraud investigation team) each time one of you has this brilliant idea “Boy, that should be interesting – I’d better check out this site”, or “Hm, this Mrs Lovett thing is kinda fun, so in order to help her somehow I’d click on the ad –this way she might make some money” (which I desperately need, since I still haven’t found my “inspirer”, and revenge is something that still keeps me awake at night), or if you’re just not careful enough to watch where your mouse is pointing – know, you’re committing a crime against humanity. Well, rather against me, but I’m humane, therefore, my little hyperbola works, right? You must be demanding evidence or at least some explanation. Well, I was not given any, but I’ll do my best and provide you with my guess – you all guys look suspicious, and me, of course, being the most suspicious person ever since the time of Count Olaf, must be leading some sort of international scamming gang. So no, no money left on my account, everything returned to advertisers. Thus, I would even tell you – I’m foreseeing your disappointment as well, coz’ you were accused as well, and what’s even more revolting – you were robbed of your precious time and attention.

My Sincere Apologies

I have this weird feeling that there are some explanations and apologies I owe you. Mostly it’s because I don’t want you to think that I’m some religious adherence who’s got some holiday all March, April and (as it suddenly turned out) most of May long when I’m not allowed to work, or to touch any instruments of modern civilizations, or to leave my room where I would only fast and sing hymns, or to simply communicate with heretics, and that’s why you didn’t see any posts.

February 29th – Meat Pie

Anyone got engaged today? Anyone earned some extra cash – by means of proposing, getting refused and complaining to authorities about your delinquent dear one? You’d probably have to do a little travelling to the heart of British Commonwealth for this purpose, but still that money might be worth a shot. I mean, if in 1288 compensation for not abiding the tradition ranged from £1 to a silk gown, the amount of fine nowadays (accounting the inflation rate and compounding) must be pretty hilarious.

International Cooperation – Columbus Pizza

What would you call the biggest proof of successful international cooperation? If you follow media, you will probably talk about globalization, Kyoto protocol, G8/G20 meetings and of course – global war on terrorism. Than those of you whose activities are related to Sales will say that there also goes the possibility to trade commodities worldwide, basically providing us with the ability to fulfill our primary needs, such as heat, cultural development and iPhones. Gen Y will fight you to death until you agree that it all can be defined by all those buddies around the world you can communicate through Facebook, Google +, Twitter etc. Even though there is a seed of rational in each of mentioned above thoughts, I truly believe that the key illustration to international cooperation and development is food we eat every day. Sounds intriguing, right?

Some Search Tips – Pizza Dough

Did you know that avitaminosis (which confidently gains its’ positions in late winter - early spring) can lead to obesity? It can be explained quite simply, and I bet we all have had that feeling. When there is something missing in a body (I mean some microelements or vitamins, not brains or… well, let’s stop with brains), body starts asking for it. And there you go – walking at 3 a.m as a lunatic around the fridge dumbly repeating your mantra “I want something, but this is not it. But I want something”. Result – lots of garbage in the stomach, no sense of satisfaction whatsoever.

Trading Oil for Democracy – Garlic Cheese Baked Chicken

Mechanism of determining and implementing priorities is rather a curious phenomenon of human mind. Honestly, how do you, personally you, decide what provides you with the higher satisfaction and marginal value of the dollar – cheap gasoline or democracy in some country from the middle of nowhere? I mean, it’s so nice (cool, right, glamorous, trendy – choose for yourself) to say that “it’s our duty to care for every human on the planet and to change this world for better”. But when it comes down to everyday choices – please, answer two simple questions. First – who was searching the Amazon and eBay for the cheapest deal possible on that last model of BlackBerry. Second – when government says “Starting from tomorrow on gasoline will cost $2/gallon!” do you, instead of saying “Damn, that’s why I voted for this president”, seriously ask at which cost do those prices come?

Small Sweet St. Valentine’s Day Ideas

Love is in the air indeed. What else can be there a day before St. Valentine’s Day? Love, love, love… But they also say that one of the biggest problems of our time is procrastination – and I honestly believe them, I don’t see any other way for time-management courses to be profitable otherwise. And while I truly believe that no one can find anything more important their dear ones, there’s always room for small sweet last-minute ideas to make the morning even brighter.

Going Wasteless – Tangerine Succade

While some people from warm southern states/countries might not feel what I’m talking about, I bet there is a good dozen of people up north who are tired of waiting for spring. And I don’t mean that tricky March 1^st when it is supposed to be spring already, but that snow and cold reminds of something else. I mean warm air, clean roads and ability to run around in shorts. So here is the question – what else is there to think about when dreaming about spring. Right, it’s supposed to be green everywhere. Let’s stick to that – “go green” is my today’s inspiration. And I don’t mean wearing new glamorous green dress to the country club meeting, or smoking some pot (of course, for medical purposes only!) on the anti-globalism demonstration, I mean some real actions! Many get inspired by the idea of becoming of leftover queen – don’t get me wrong, I admire people who can mix up leftovers from Monday pasta, Tuesday casserole and Wednesday chicken curry to conjure delicious Thursday dinner. But what seems even more inspiring is to master the waste. Not a iota of food left behind enemy lines!

iPie

I got iPod, iPhone and iPad. Now I can die happy.
Anonymous blogger

Believe it or not, I got myself an iPad today. Yaaay! Now it’s time to brag around about how nice it looks, and how different it is, and how I became so special with it, and what amazing tricks it may do, and to finally conclude “How did I leave without it for all of my life?”. Don’t worry, that all’s coming, but first I got to tell a little prehistory to explain such a radical shift in my opinion.

Age of Freedom – Sweet and Tender Dried Mushroom Soup

19^th century was extremely curious time in the development of our decadent society. I bet all civil rights fighters will agree with me on that one: it is not Industrial revolution (who gives a heck now, we’re fighting for a clean environment, right?), or Napoleon fooling around Europe, or Opium wars when Brits got extremely smart on drugs, or Gold Rush in California and Australia I’m talking about – 19^th century is the time when we got rid of slavery. And when I say “we” I don’t mean only “poor South”. I mean so much broader audience, you’ll be surprised. As many must already know, Civil War which rooted out the slavery ended in 1965. BUT, guess what happened in 1961 in Russian Empire (for those who don’t know such an entity – pre-soviet root of all evil)? If you’ll listen to your gut feeling, you’ll know – they cancelled serfdom, their kind of slavery, as well. Isn’t it conspicuous? But let’s look around a little more. Austria – 1848; Germany (Prussia, Bavaria and Saxony, can you believe Germany was divided not only in 20^th century) – 1807, 1808 and 1839 respectively; Brazil – 1888. Am I the only one who does not believe that globalization is a new concept? Seems like someone doesn’t like all the truth to be voiced, meaning some conspiracy an anti-human processes are going on…

The Day After Tomorrow – Basic Tomato Sauce

Isn’t it wonderful when city leaders actually care about citizens? I’d say rather lovely. And all that excessive talk about “going green”, and “new technologies”, and “thoughtful consumption”, and “help 3^rd world countries” – it is always bound to end up in some sort of construction in the neighborhood. It was just the same this time. What’s even more fun is to guess what’s gonna happen next. This time wasn’t that extraordinary – right after “optimization” was finished some minor detail turned to be lousy, and here I am, stuck at home with no heating whatsoever.

On a Spy Lookout – Canadian Bacon Baked Potato Halves

My question of the day is “What is your excuse for being pacifist?”. Answers like “Because it’s a right thing to do” do not count: we’re all human, we all say that. But then I have my good old neighbor, “vecchietta biascicapaternostri” he likes to call himself. 20 years ago he was the head of a military plant. Do not ask me what they used to produce – it’s easier to make my husband admit I’m right than to get the truth out of that old scout. But now – well, when a guy comes over my kitchen in the middle of the day to say that the soup I’m making is not perfect yet, his flair tells some more ginger would do it, something must have gone wrong in his life. He tells it’s those cowards who gave up cold war. And he also tells that with my brain and education I could have made around $250K (current value) a year – you see, it’s always personal well-being that makes me move, or write in my current position.

Country Style Garlic Baked Potatoes

This video can arouse different emotions. You may perceive the whole idea as just something funny to look at, or as a nice guide to morning exercises, or as a bunch of weird guys doing some crazy stuff together. However, what it is is a nice video to teach North American kids patriotism. French Potatoes Lyonnaise and Potato Pancakes, English Chips, Bombay Potato Curry, German-style Potato Salad, Irish Potato Candy, Dutch Stewed Potatoes. Who didn’t fancy those? So delicious, so genuine. And while all the Europe keeps spreading self-promotion about its unique national cuisine, I’ll say “Who? I ask you, who taught you to eat potatoes?”. They even stole fries and called them French fries, while US is left with “Oh, come on, there is no such thing as American cuisine”! I could have forgiven them those fries if McDonald’s or KFC were not American, but with all that Quick, and Flunch, and Wienerwald, and Spizzico, and Big Bite Submarines and YO! Sushi I cannot.

Save the Planet – Milk Shake

Did you know that baboons get addicted to fast food and to sweets? I’ve discovered this precious piece of information today watching my kitchen TV right before family Sunday brunch (thank g*d, no more Love, Hate and Propaganda on weekend mornings). And I felt really moved and touched and obliged to write some big post trying to help those poor animals who have to suffer from our awful mankind trying to ruin the planet. And yes, not to forget to blend in couple of accusations related to global warming, Kyoto protocol and international emissions trading.

P.S. to Delicious and Dangerous

I just wanted to make myself clear. There is certain reason to everything. And talking about Stalin is not my everyday hobby. I just couldn’t think of anything or anyone scarier and spookier to talk about on Friday, 13^th.

I hope you all enjoy safe and lucky day.

Sincerely yours,
Mrs Lovett

Delicious and Dangerous – Plov

Do you often talk to your shrink? I don’t. Actually, I don’t even have a shrink, but sometimes we all want to feel human. So today I followed what my shrink (my saviour, my genius, the main man in my life) would have recommended – I stepped back, paused and reevaluated my actions and contacts. You are always welcome to borrow this precious piece of advice and safe yourself $100/hour.

We All Have Promises to Keep – Apple-Carrot Snack

… I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep …
Robert Frost

Now it’s officially over. When you’re past New Year, there is nothing else to look forward to, unless you have already started looking forward to the end of the world which is supposed to happen one of next 360 days. There remains only one thing that does not let you sleep tight at night – your New Year resolution. And it’s good if you were lucky enough (well, I’d rather say smart enough), and you’ve decided to improve yourself (be more independent, reduce stress and take up self-development course) or take a trip – not too much work to be honest. But even our government tells us that most popular self-delusion is “lose weight”, “eat healthy food”, “get fit”. Kind of wise of them to stress something like “get a better job” or “get out of debt” less and less… It is, for sure, easy to make food-related promises when you’re stuffed and happy. But in case you’re as much of a sweet junky as I am (obviously, meat pies do not count), and if your body requires lots of sugar to survive through the day, it gets more and more tough every day. So here is a little something to help you stick to the resolution and to land into the “Nice List” next year.